The end and beginning

Last night was my last night with my kids at church. I've struggled with stepping down from the youth for several months and finally did what I felt the Lord was leading me to do. I have no idea what the next next is or really even what it's going to look like, but I'm excited about it. I know this was the right thing to do.

Lately, I've been thinking about what I believe and how that reflects the way I live my life. I say I want things but do I do what's necessary to achieve them? I want to save money but will I put myself on the budget I've created and not waver from it? No. I want to lose weight but am I disciplined to not eat chocolate whenever I "need" it and make myself get up earlier so I can exercise before work? Sometimes, but not consistently enough to see the results I want. I want there to be less of me so the Lord can really be EVERYTHING in my life but I don't make time for Him like I should. I have a stack of books to read but it's easier to watch TV. "The spirit is willing but the body is weak" (Matt. 26:41) Ugh. It's a constant struggle. I think sometimes I just expect the Lord to all of a sudden put this desire in me to do all those things and then everything would just be easy. He doesn't work that way and I know that and I know why He doesn't work that way. Yet, there I sit. Waiting on Him to "fix" everything for me instead of using the tools He's given me to do them myself. Discipline is a hard lesson to learn and I feel this will be an area I will deal with my entire life. I guess to some extent everyone does in some way or other...